Too many people are too comfortable being awful human beings.
I honestly don’t know what I’m feeling right now. Probably disbelief. Anger. Sadness. Like we all feel, or at least that’s what I hope we all feel.
The audacity to question why women in our society feel angry and afraid boggles my mind. When will it finally click?
You know that silly little trend where women would post videos about how they’d shut their brains off when they’re with their man?
Some women hated it. Why would you ever turn your brain off around a man? Some men mocked those women for being feeble or helpless.
But do you know why I think so many women related to it? Because it is exhausting to constantly be on guard.
I know I’ve felt it when I’m with my partner. That tiny moment when I realize I don’t have to be the person scanning the room. I don’t have to think three steps ahead. I can just exist.
It’s a brief moment where you can breathe. Of course, you have to deeply trust someone to ever feel safe enough to do that.
Because the rest of the time?
It is so deeply draining to think about your outfit because you’re told that draws unwanted attention. It is deeply draining to notice a man staring at you in a coffee shop and wonder, Will he follow me when I leave? It’s deeply draining to think whether you’re safe at work. SCHOOL. Walking home alone at night because you have no other choice. Thinking about if your Uber driver is chill. Thinking about sharing your location before going out for a run. Thinking if your daughter, your sister, your mother, your aunt, your niece are safe.
It is deeply draining.
And yes, there are people who lie. There are people who take advantage of trust. That does not make the experiences of countless other women disappear.
My partner worries about me whenever I’m in crowded spaces by myself. I always assure him I’ll be careful and cautious, but it is draining to live every minute of your life thinking about your next cautious move when you’re in a public space.
And then, on top of all of that, women are expected to explain why we’re afraid. Why we’re angry. Why we’re tired.
An essay. That’s all it was.
And I keep wondering what will it take for people to finally see that this is not normal. Living this way is not normal. Women having to structure ordinary parts of their lives around the possibility of violence is not normal.
And treating SA like something that warrants an essay is not normal.
What will it take for people to finally understand? What will it take for us to finally be on the same page? What will it take for us to live in a world where we can exist together safely?
Because an essay for an SA is not it.
-S